When I play video games, I have this horrible tendency to min-max my actions . It’s just how I got used to playing console games; worse still, it translated into a desire to do things expediently in MMOs.

Now EVE is a big place, with many different things to do and a lot of skills needed to properly accomplish those tasks. The one thing I knew I wanted to do in the long term was to eventually build ships, but I also knew that I had to make money to get the materials and blueprints and skillbooks needed to both build the spacecraft I would be using and fly it properly without losing it in a firefight.

To respond to that scenario, I asked myself, “What do I want to do?”

I wanted to do Planetary Interaction. Then someone told me in the forums that I might not get a lot of money or be able to properly invest in Planetary Interaction as a newcomer to the game. I reconsidered my plans to follow this route.

I followed up that thought with the possibility of doing missions and farming the standings and research points needed for datacores to make the ships I wanted to build. The information was at my fingertips, when someone told me that I wouldn’t be able to make good use of the information I had because I wasn’t training the right skills to level 5. I reconsidered my plans to try this out in the interim.

At a loss, I asked the members on the EVE forums about the best way to skill my character so I could do Planetary Interaction, Missioning, and Industry at the same time, effectively. To that end, Mara Rinn and RavenPaine gave me the best advice I could ever really ask for.

Mara Rinn told me to “Fly spaceships for fun, not profit.”

RavenPaine said, “ISK is very important, but FUN is more important. Make sure that your chosen path (paths) is fun and interesting for YOU.”

Of course, they were right. In the past, nearly every console and PC game I had spent hours obsessing over with min-maxing and “getting everything right,” I ultimately never finished. In MMOs, I got burned out from wondering if I was strong enough, or made enough DPS, or if I was looking at the right database entry for a questline I needed to finish to get better loot that was only incrementally more powerful and not even visually shown on my character.

While in EVE, information and knowledge (and website tabs with guide entries) is definitely important, worrying about maximizing ISK all the time makes it a job: one where, unless you trade in the black market, you don’t even get paid in food-buying money for. It’s an approach that can drive me away from playing EVE, if not from burnout, then from fear of being ganked and losing a virtual ship because I couldn’t fly it right.

I’ve chosen, in that regard, to not worry about maximizing ISK. Instead, I want to do the three things I feel like doing (PI, Missions/Datacore gathering, and building stuff) as best as I can WITHOUT worrying about the min-maxing of stats and the optimization of my skill queue.

Sure, I’ll still be a nervous wreck at times wondering if I’m doing the right thing. That’s to be expected as a new capsuleer. All of it, however, is part of the capsuleer’s experience in space. With a future that reaches up to distant stars, who says we have to stay focused on a single shining beacon of light? New Eden is mine to explore, and I hope to get many good memories out of flying here.

Late last week, I went back into EVE Online after a long hiatus. I was really afraid to go back and play the game because I’d forgotten how to fly the ship and do everything, but it seems I’m slowly getting the hang of it again.

I’m currently running the Blood Stained Stars Mission Chain for money, while I try to figure out how to skill my capsuleer and earn money. My long term goal has always been to make my own ships, but earning the money, material, and skillbooks necessary to make them well and fly them properly is going to give me some issues.

I do hope I can get a better understanding of the big picture soon enough, as I’d like to make some headway into my own ventures eventually.

Till then, some links.

My Post on the EVE forums asking for the skills I ought to look for and level up.

My EVEBoards character profile, listing my skills at present.

I am what can be called a new player in EVE Online.I played for 21 days as part of a trial back in 2011 prior to the Crucible expansion, and I enjoyed my time in New Eden.I didn’t sub due to some financial issues that have sorted themselves out, but well… now I’m not sure what to do.

I want to go back to playing the game, however, there is always this hesitation to do so mostly because I have completely forgotten how to do most of the basic stuff in the game. I cannot, for the life of me, remember how to operate my ship, or engage in combat, or loot, or create chat filters to ask people how to do basic things, and I’m afraid that I will be seen as a troll or be treated unkindly if I ask the most basic of questions that are probably answered by doing the tutorial.

While I can reread the tutorials (if I can remember how to get to them), I wouldn’t be able to really do them until I undocked and went into space. Unfortunately, what scares me about that is the possibility that of someone in Highsec, commiting suicide runs at my ship for the hell of it, and I lose a perfectly useful starter ship.

What I’d really like is for aspects of the tutorial to be repeatable without any rewards in order to hone and remember basic skills, because without those basic skills, I’m nothing more than a pod waiting to be sunk.

What would be useful would be official tutorial videos on the basics with the UI magnified to that you can both read the instructions and see the text so you remember what you’re looking for. (very useful for learning something like scanning as well as ship maneuvering). Knowing, for example, when to go approach at X distance versus orbiting at Y distance would be very useful for me as I have very little PVP or even PVE combat experience.

While I could go on and talk about skills training (which I find to be a treat when I find new skills and learn them!), I know I’m not the person to talk about specialization and core competencies. My wish, therefore, is that any new player experience allow for the basics to be taught well and for chances to those skills to be honed further or relearned be given a place of importance for the enjoyment of newbies like myself who take a while to adjust.

Between the two jobs I alternate between when it comes to writing and the games I tend to play and the other developments in my social life, I think I have it pretty good.

Thing is, for the past few years, I think I was in a bad place mentally and emotionally, without really fully understanding what was causing it. In one sense, I knew it was loneliness, because the loneliness crept in so bad sometimes that I played games less for enjoyment and more as some kind of numbing agent. I played games because it was part of my routine, and because it was a routine I controlled, I felt in control of something in my life when other stuff was out of my ability to control.

Gosh, that was a meandering sentence… anyway.

I think I’ve finally come to terms with the realization that where I am now started because of my first job, how it ended, and how I responded to it.

Way back in 2008, I was let go from a video game newswriting job that I really felt comfortable in. It was my first full-time job, and I think that in some respects, I was devastated by it. It was something I was good at, and I couldn’t control my keeping the job even if I was good at it.

After a short stint in a call center, I felt I needed time to figure out what I would do.At the time, silly me thought that it was a good time to go back to the only place I felt comfortable in and had some control over, which was in school. I wanted to learn how to teach.

I did well enough in my classes, but I knew there was something wrong. I kept thinking that I was here, doing this, simply because I was buying time for myself. At the same time, I didn’t feel like I was moving forward and I also didn’t feel like I was actually good at teaching.

So by late 2010, I had basically shut down on a few fronts. When the classes were over and the requirements needed to be passed at the end of the term in March, I procrastinated, I moved inch-by-inch, and eventually, even though I had all the data needed to pass the requirements, I didn’t complete it by March 2011. What did I do? I got a job and played RIFT’s beta, then when simply playing RIFT became too much of an emotional butcher’s knife to my conscience, I changed games.

In 2011, I switched jobs more than I ever had. I had a total of four jobs (five, if I take my two current writing jobs separately). I tried phone support and eventually left from anxiety issues. I wrote product specifications for stuff sold on a website. I traded that job to write stuff for a start-up website, and was let go six weeks later. Then I got a job writing Amazon related news and along with that came a shot at writing a column for MMORPG.com.

Through those two jobs and the friendship of Cassandra, whom I got to know through blogging, I was given a chance to get back on track. For once, I felt like it was okay to lose control, because somehow, if I worked hard enough at it and took an opportunity when it presented itself instead of being scared all the damned time, it would work out and right itself again.

This comes full circle now to today, because I just realized that I’m playing RIFT again, and it’s going to almost be a year since those requirements I needed to send in would force an auto-fail of my classes.

I talked to my advisor in one class, who is now the head of the Education department, and she’s willing to help me out in getting back on track to finish my Masters. I just need to grab the data and do the analyses and write-up for her class, and then find out how to resolve the issue with the other class. Something tells me I might fail that second class, because I have no idea how to get the requirements for that one resolved, but the one where my teacher’s supporting me?

I will get that done on time, and it’ll be good work. No amount of RIFT play or other games will stop me from finishing my Masters, even if I have to take a class again. I just need to work my butt off, and get in gear.

It’s time to take control of my life again, and to not let the failures dictate the majority of my life.

Due to how my computer, monitors, and PlayStation 3 are set up, I can actually type this while looking at the television screen showing the PS3 interface. I’ve decided to try liveblogging the first few hours of FFXIII-2 to see if I like playing the game in this manner, and to gauge my personal interest in dividing my attention in this particular fashion in an attempt to try something new and blog more.

How it’ll work: most liveblogs use some kind of software that I have no idea where to get in order to liveblog quickly and efficiently. While I won’t be using that software, I can use their format of updating in tweet-like fashion, with the entries going chronologically upwards from the beginning (the bottom-most entry) to the most recent entry (directly below this paragraph) using military time to denote hours in the GMT+8 timezone.

I’ll begin in approximately 30 minutes from this post, at 19:30, after I grab dinner.

See you folks in a bit.

————– LIVEBLOG BELOW ————–

22:15 Standing in front of the First Time Gate. Will continue some other time.

22:13 It seems there’s also a map percentage aspect to the game. Can’t seem to trigger 100% on the first map though. Strange.

21:57 There appear to be sidequests for Artefacts and other items. Hmm… not sure what to think about fetch quests.

21:38 Got an artefact… Why not spell it Artifact? Is there a big difference?

21:27 So Snow actually left Serah to find Lightning for his fiance. That’s nice.

21:18 So the moogle is some kind of a treasure hunting device and a weapon. How multifunctional!

21:04 Oh man. I can save anywhere and it saves to the same file I made at the start of the game. That’s cool.

20:57 Crystarium has been altered somewhat. Not sure how to explain it, but basically, each crystal allows you to choose your path of development.

20:48 Staring at a meteorite. Amazed it crashed without making a bigger crater.

20:43 LOL. First non-tutorial boss is called Gogmagog.

20:35 The game uses random encounters that require you to encounter the enemy in a time limit. That’s a nice implementation of two existing battle type tropes.

20:26 Hmm… early enemies dropping Accessories.

20:19 So… they give a brief overview of the ending of FFXIII through dialogue in the first hour. Not bad.

20:17 And the kupos of the moogle are weird. Some kind of dialogue weirdness.

20:07 LOL. Jumping mechanics included in the game now.

20:05 Live Trigger… Branching Dialog options, it seems.

20:01 Magical Changing Clothes. Go Squeenix go!

19:59 Noel Kreiss…. jumps into a time gate.

19:54 First Tutorial battle of the game completed, Multi-stage, very forgiving, extremely epic.

19:50 I guess they use gameplay footage to allow for cinematic actions. I got to choose how to engage my enemy in the cinema.

19:44 Apparently, the enemy is a fricking Bahamut of Chaos.

19:42 Cutscenes become actual gameplay footage now. Tutorial stage played as Lightning Riding Odin.

19:40 Caius and Lightning fight. Beasties galore in battle.

19:38 Opening Cinematic of the game. Lightning looks over the sea.

19:36 Game gives a bonus reward if you have FFXIII save data, and asks you to create a data file upon starting game. Autosave and manual save is available.

19:34 Game loaded, Opening Sequence playing. Pretty Cool.

19:30 Turning on PS3.

Just wanted to point everyone’s attention to this announcement:

http://www.arena.net/blog/dragon

Arenanet will be ramping up beta tests and will eventually release this Guild Wars 2 this year.

There’s something about the blaster rifle or sniper rifle or blaster pistol that I just absolutely love over the lightsaber.

Maybe it’s because Jedis are too heartless and Sith are too evil.

Maybe it’s because laser guns are a throwback to my childhood watching GI Joe.

Maybe it’s because real bad-asses slice through evil with swords made of real metal.

Honestly, maybe I just like the sound more.

That said, I’m going to roll an Agent again. I miss the sniper rifle DEARLY.

… and I’m feeling good.

—- The Rest of the Post —-

2012 is a new year, and if the naysayers in this world would have it, the last year for humans to exist on the planet.

I don’t want to believe that. I mean, there’s so much to be thankful for.

Like Free Speech, and its counterpart, Using Words Responsibly.

Like Being Happy, and its counterpart, Choosing to be Angry.

And GAMES! Oh so many games!

This year, I choose to speak my mind more about the things that interest me, even if it makes me uncomfortable to open up in that way.

I will play the games I want and I will enjoy (or not enjoy) them at my leisure.

I will respect the minds of others, even if I disagree with their ideas.

I will not limit myself to one avenue of thought, and I will open up to other ideas and not act in a passive-aggressive manner to people of perceived authority.

I will not let the negativity of others invalidate what I feel towards a game.

I will balance my gaming with healthier pursuits.

I will finish that first book that’s been in my head and evolved since I was a kid.

I will define who I am by what I do and think, and not by what people think of me.

I will play more Final Fantasy XIV and maybe even get Final Fantasy XIII-2 on the PS3.

I will experience games I never thought to try out. That may include superhero MMORPGs.

I will keep writing about games!

I will stay smiling and awesome, the way I envision myself as being for the rest of my life.

Happy New Year to all the folks out there online, especially those who follow the blog.

It’s been a weird year, but here’s to hoping 2012 is far less interesting but infinitely more fruitful in terms of happiness, games, and job security!

-Victor Stillwater

Jorge Luis Borges is quoted as saying or writing the following: “A writer – and, I believe, generally all persons – must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.”

I experienced something new recently that I sometimes find myself feeling at odds with. I’m currently waiting for the results of an email interview I sent to the folks at OffGamers regarding their practices and what they do – they’re a third party RMT and game service site – besides selling game codes, game time cards, and virtual services.

During the wait, I found out that EA had redzoned my country as well to an extent I didn’t expect. Our local game shop has connections to EA, and even they got redzoned and wouldn’t be getting copies of SWTOR.

I felt left out of the Twitter circle, and I missed playing SWTOR after the beta. I didn’t know what to do, and eventually, I ended up running to OffGamers and purchasing a game code. A day later, my account with them had the key from the game, and thirty minutes after getting the key from the game, I found myself purchasing and acquiring a 60-day time code because EA wouldn’t accept my credit card.

The feeling of doing something you never thought you’d do is kind of painful. For a person like myself, who doesn’t drink alcoholic beverages to avoid the possibility of getting drunk, it felt like I had taken that first step into dealing with illicit RMT. I felt that uneasiness, even if OffGamers has perfectly legitimate services and connections to various F2P game companies across Asia and offers users of the site a means to purchase a game company’s currency of choice for their extra services.

I find myself wondering if I did a bad thing or a value neutral thing. At the very least, I cannot think of an RMT user anymore in the old ways I used to. I invested money to acquire a return on time. Instead of illicit RMT where I purchase power-leveling or in-game currency, I paid money to get access to a game I would not see for months to come… and at the same time, I did it for the same reason some people would engage in illicit RMT to begin with: to have fun with friends at the same level and capabilities they have.

Honestly, I have to think about it more. There are so many facets to this idea I haven’t even considered, but I know I’m lucky to even be in a position to enjoy games, when other people are worse off. But I just needed to get it off my chest or I’d feel bad till the end of the year.