[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54VJWHL2K3I]

I’m just going to leave this here to remind myself of how awesome M. Bison is when played with gravitas.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVzRcsFvZ7g]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvpj_p9MyHM]

I spent ten minutes earlier playing Angry Birds on the iPod Touch of a friend. The game is available for play on the iPhone or iPod Touch, provided that your device has the proper updates required to play the game.

Angry Birds is a game starring a bunch of differently colored birds who are angry… angry at pigs who apparently have done something wrong. I do not know what these pigs did (probably mass genocide of birds?), but the introductory cutscene-type deal seemed unappealing and cartoony so I skipped it.

Most of the ten minutes I spent playing Angry Birds was actually comprised of listening to my friends tell me about the controls. Apparently, these furious fowl are willing to jump on a slingshot and have someone finger them into position to be released all cannon-like in order to obliterate some pigs. This smacks of many MMORPG tropes, such as the suicide mission trope and the band of heroic fowl trope. By comparison, World of Warcraft and LOTRO both have chickens in them, and I assume they are also rather angry at the misrepresentation of their species as a fowl race.

Much like other MMORPG’s before it, Angry Birds is actually quite the intriguing multiplayer game, but for a different reason entirely. It involves a system of gaming known as “sharing,” which is commonly unheard of in many MMORPG’s as it requires people to relinquish control of the game in order to allow other people equal time in completing or failing objectives. That said, the addition of a sort of ranking system to determine who should best be set in the sharing roster may become an intriguing development for the game, should its developers decide to implement it, as it opens up an entirely new metagame that can enthrall its sizable fanbase into playing.

With that, it can be said that Angry Birds is one of the most innovative MMORPG’s I’ve had the experience of playing. Despite its lack of a crafting system and its rather lackluster quest implementation, Angry Birds serves as the immutable metaphor for the human spirit, as man, like an Angry Bird, must learn to overcome obstacles together in order to succeed in killing people who want to do other things which you disagree with.

EDIT: For the record, I do not take money from Rovio. They have not paid me to say anything. But I would like some money, so if you could send some my way, that’d be nice, Rovio.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3x4HvXTyGQ]

Notes: Cataclysm began in my country at 4pm of Tuesday. I rolled a Goblin Hunter named Lucretinker on the Nagrand Server, and boy, has hunter play change. I don’t even use mana anymore!

Was sitting here in my boring room
Was just another sunny Tuesday afternoon
Was wasting my time, I had nothing to do…
Just hanging around, a Twittering fool
But something’s s’posed to happen, and I wonder…

Went driving around in my car
Bought Cata at last, came back home before  four.
Installed that sucker, patched it up
Waited a bit ’cause the servers went bust
And something’s spose’d to happen, and I wonder…

Logged onto WoW and wondered why
I Rolled a Goblin Hunter from the Kezan Isle
When all that I would see
Is Deathwing flying over me.

Enslaved on a ship, almost drowned
Ended on the Lost Isles where Thrall and I found
A pact so we’d be free
To be Horde and make tons of money!

*a la-dee-da interlude*

I’m sitting here,
Playing for hours
S’posed to take my goblin through the back to Azshara.

But there’s a couple dailies I did instead
Leveled  my tradeskills, Killed chickens dead.
Well, nothing ever happens, and I wonder…

Isolation is not good for me.
Isolation! I don’t want to do quests with just my crab and me!

I’m stepping around in Azshara, Oh Boy!
Killed sixty naga with goblin made mortars.
I’d rather punch a dragon, and I wondered…

I wonder how, I wonder why
I couldn’t rocket jump to punch him in the eye,
Back there in Ol’ Kezan
To show the people I’m the man!

I’m thinking instead about how
I’d spec into beast mastery and make a vow
To punch him in the face
And turn him to a big disgrace!

And I wonder, I wonder!

I wonder how, I wonder why
I rolled a goblin hunter from the Kezan Isle
When all that I would see
When all that I would see
Is Deathwing flying over me.

This NDA is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to non-disclosure agreements, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Also, this was inspired by True Events. Truly.

Dear User,

Congratulations! You have been selected to participate in the beta testing process for Thrift: Prize of the Compliant.

In order to participate in the pre-release testing of Thrift: Prize of the Compliant, you must read, UNDERSTAND (we cannot stress this enough, dear user), and accept the following Terms of Use, License Information, and Non-Disclosure Agreement below. Don’t just skip to the end and press “Accept” (especially since we did not put an Accept button at the end of this thing). If you are already itching to scroll at the bottom, feel free to ignore this warning at the cost of your soul. By clicking the “Agree” button below, you agree to be legally bound by the terms of this agreement.

TERMS OF USE, LICENSING INFORMATION AND NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT FOR THE TESTING OF A PRE-RELEASE GAME

Three Ton Birds Corp. (henceforth known as “The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements”) has developed and designed the pre-release version of Thrift: Prize of the Compliant (henceforth known as “the game”) to allow a set number of people to test the feature set, capabilities, and performance of the game, as well as the ability of individuals to resist bringing up their sense of entitlement on beta forums. By clicking on the “Agree” button below,

1. You promise that you are at least 18 years of age, hopefully mature and sensible enough to understand the legal and long-term repercussions of your actions, are not a principal or employee of The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements, and are doing this on a voluntary basis, without expecting remuneration, compensation, or gratitude from the gaming public at large. If you are not, you should not have attempted to enter the beta to begin with.

2. You accept that The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements has the power to accept or revoke your access at any time for whatever reason they see fit, and y0u cannot throw a bitch fit on the forums or your personal blog as a result of such. If you are accepted, you also agree this agreement is a binding contract between you and The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements.

3. You acknowledge that your participation on the beta will require some access on the part of The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements to your computer specifications and DXDiag information, and will not throw a bitch fit at the fact that the pre-release program is a complex piece of technological work that cannot be tested by one single company on every computer specification setup known to man.

4. You acknowledge that The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements may, at its discretion, choose to charge a fee to acquire the beta software and/or gain access into the pre-release testing program. Again, you also agree to not throw a bitch fit if such a thing, rare as it is, happens in the future.

5. You accept that The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements may choose to move the pre-release testing dates to better facilitate the remedy of any issues that have come up as a result of internal and prior beta testing, and will not throw a bitch fit if such a thing does occur during the pre-release testing phase.

6. You will not throw a bitch fit if something doesn’t work because HELLO… It’s a freaking beta.

7. You agree to the terms of the agreement as indicated below.

AGREEMENT

Licensing Information.

You have a license to use this software, but The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements made it, so it’s The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements’ intellectual property. Don’t steal our stuff, and we won’t sue you.

You also agree to indemnify (not hold us responsible) for any losses you may incur as a result of losing this software. This includes sleep you may give up, family you may neglect, and money you may gamble on our future e-sport venture based on the game.

You hereby agree to test the shit out of this pre-release version. Break anything you can in-game, spot every spelling and grammar mistake available, and point out any other screwups The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements  has made, and make sure you note these either in-game through the bug report system or through the beta forums. Just please, for the love of everything good in this world, don’t simply complain about it. Make your beta issue report as detailed as possible in order for us to determine how to best replicate the bug and fix it on our end.

Confidentiality

Much like Fight Club, the only rule of our confidentiality agreement is that you don’t talk about beta, at all, except on our beta forums. Not on Twitter, Facebook, the game’s regular forums… NOWHERE ELSE EXCEPT THE BETA FORUMS or in a court of law as mandated by your respective governmental body. When we drop the NDA, then you can talk all you want, but not before.

Warranty (actually, the lack thereof)

You acknowledge that the game is a beta version, and will not throw a bitch fit if something doesn’t work. Yes, this is the second time this has been mentioned, because no one wants added stress from dealing with idiocy on a daily basis. If something doesn’t work, tell The Company who wishes you would read, understand, and comply with the following statements through the proper channels mentioned above.

Miscellaneous

Break anything in the agreement above, and we will find you and make you pay… Oh, will we make you pay. Mwahahahaha!

[Agree] [Disagree]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUoDaCH1MJM]

To the tune of “Time of My Life”

Human Hunter male: Now WoW’s had the change of its life
No it’s never felt like this before
Yes I swear. It’s the truth
Blizzard owes it all to you

Tauren Paladin Female: And I’ve had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you

Human Hunter Male: I’ve been Human for so long
Now I’ve finally found a boar
To stand by me.

Tauren Paladin Female: We saw Sunlight on the wall
As we felt this Light-filled fantasy

Both: Now with passion in our eyes
There’s no way we could disguise it secretly
We hold weapons in our hand
‘Cause we seem to understand the urgency

Human Hunter Male: Just Remember

Tauren Paladin Female: There’s just one thing

Human Hunter Male: I can’t get enough of

Tauren Paladin Female: More than PVP-ing,

Both: Shattering’s come! Because

(CHORUS)
Both: WoW’s had the change of its life
Oh it’s never felt this way before!
Yes I swear! It’s the truth!
Blizzard owes it all to you
Tauren Paladin Female: With my body and soul
Want aggro more than you’ll ever know

Human Hunter male: Pop Bestial Wrath on the Boar
Forget the shots, let’s lose control!

Tauren Paladin Female: Yes I know whats on your mind
When you say:
Let’s Bubble Hearth tonight.”

Human Hunter male: Just remember:
WoW’s the one thing

Tauren Paladin Female: I can’t get enough of

Human Hunter male: So I’ll tell you something

Both: This could be love, because

(CHORUS)
Both: WoW’s had the change of its life
No it’s never felt this way before
Yes I swear! It’s the truth
And Neltharion’s come for you!

Now WoW’s had a new lease on life
As every soul on Azeroth’s done for
‘Til I found the loot
And I owe that all to you…

*Instrumental*

Human Hunter male: Now I’ve had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before

(Tauren Paladin Female: Never Felt this way)

Human Hunter male: Yes I swear it’s the truth
and I owe it all to you

Both: WoW’s had the change of its life
And every soul on Azeroth’s done for!
Till I’ve found the loot
and I owe that all to you

And I’ve had the time of my life
No I’ve never felt this way before
Yes I swear! It’s the truth
And I owe Blizz money too!

Big Red Kitty’s Cataclysm Beastmaster Hunter Guide looks to be a rather valuable resource for newcomers and returning hunters looking to understand the new 4.0.1 system of World of Warcraft. It should prove useful for my purposes once Cataclysm is up and ready for release.

You Awake in Razor Hill, on the other hand, isn’t a hunter guide, but more of a twenty-two part chronicle of an interactive fiction story set in the World of Warcraft universe… sort of. I won’t spoil anything for you, but let’s just say there is a veil of absolute darkness around everything, and a hunter gets to tame a walking ravenous shark as a pet.

The title of this piece is off-putting, I know. Bear with me though because I’m not telling the story of my character. I’m telling the tale of how my cousin found fun in New Vegas with an hour and thirty minute time limit.

You see, my teenaged cousin (who wishes to not be named) spent an evening here at my house recently, and I observed him while he played Fallout: New Vegas on the PC. It was his first time to play New Vegas, and he only had an hour and a half to go before he had to go to sleep (long story), so he basically did everything I was not expecting out of a gamer.

He set out to create a character so unlike any other I’ve ever met. Strangely enough though, during my watch of his playthrough, I kept thinking that his character looked a lot like the Hispanic porn star from the movie Boogie Nights (Luis Guzman, pictured here). Of course, all my cousin heard was that he looked like a porn star, and so, Blackrod Ledouche was born.

Blackrod Ledouche: the man, the legend

My cousin quipped that Blackrod was now an amnesiac former pornstar who took part in the straight-to-video release of Ghouls Gone Wild 6. That statement has absolutely no bearing on the play session, but seemed fitting for the setting and took note of it.

Of course, Blackrod’s first order of business upon leaving Doc Mitchell’s House was to relieve Easy Pete of his revolver and dynamite, and does so by shooting the old man in the head. After doing so, he takes the starting quest for the Gecko killing mission, and pickpockets a live stick of dynamite into Sunny Smiles’ pants. He then follows this up by taking the newly acquired Leather armor off of Sunny Smiles and goes back into town, taking down Trudy and a random settler.

Moving into the next door general store, he performs a sneak critical on Chet, the shopkeeper, who has his head blown off. Remembering his roots (and perhaps what it feels like to have his head blown off, wink wink nudge nudge), Blackrod proceeds to mount Chet onto the countertop, where he promptly begins mounting him again.

Blackrod Ledouche Relives a Sliver of the Past

I forgot to mention this earlier, but Blackrod also teabagged the corpse of Sunny Smiles before taking her armor off, which was a bit weird.

The intrepid amnesiac ended his playtime with a jaunt to Primm, where he promptly stole some Power Ganger outfits, killed NCR soldiers, and finally, realizing the futility of it all, took a frag mine, activated and stood on top of it, and promptly fired into the ground, setting the mine off, and killing his crippled Blackrod body.

While I would never play a game in such a manner, I think it’s nice that someone can actually do that sort of thing in a game. Sure it may be weird or unsightly, but the alternative to this sort of  “fun” might be to experiment with real people, and I could never live in such a world.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIuzuRdET_I]

Dancing Star Wars canon characters who do a damn fine job.

BEST PARTS are at 5:15 and 14:00.